Becoming A Graduate Stress

**Disclaimer. I haven't blogged in such a long time, and I really miss it. So I ended up just going blahhhhh on to the page. Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. I'm sorry if it bores you, but sometimes you just need to write. Right? I couldn't work out if this was a blog to me, or to other undergraduates but either way I feel so much better now. I had no plan for my blog, this is literally just how my thought process went.**

University is an incredibly stressful and time consuming commitment. Pretty much for the three years you attend university, your brain will barely flicker on to something else before it returns with a crash to deadlines, the amount of work you have to do or should be doing, and your heavy social calender. You become an A* procrastinator, who by their dissertation realises "oh fuck, this is why you start in advance rather than the night before, I don't have enough time. Fuck, fuck, fuck. " You pull out some hair, eat lots of junk food, drink bottles of wine - because lets be honest none of your glasses are clean, and cry until grades are up and you breathe a sigh of relief. And for a split second you think you can relax.

Oh no my friend.

On a theatre course or any other art based course you will then have to stress about your final major project. Which will probably and hopefully have the same outcome as my dissertation. I'll stress ridiculous amounts, cry into some Ben and Jerry's and be thankful when it's all over...THEN be hit with major after show blues and wish I could do it all over again. Unless I fail... then I'd think fuck that. BUT that shouldn't happen. *cue nervous laughter and a quick move on*

Those previously mentioned after show blues made worse by the fact that in just under 2 months I am no longer going to be an undergraduate. As well as rewarding, that previous statement is completely terrifying. And any other postgraduates reading this will know how it feels. 

Being at university, you get a big dose of independence. Meaning that you want to move out and get on with your life as an adult with your freshly rewarded degree. Your planning may go something like this... Ok I'm going to move to London, get an amazing job, earn money and live a fantastic life.... with no money and a bundle of equally qualified unemployed competition. Yay. 

I'm making this sound really great aren't I?

God. It's scary.

AND, can I just ask, where the hell did these three years go?! It feels like a week ago I was gripping on to my banister at home begging not to go to university and now I'm here, about to graduate.... Sorry. What? 

Sending out applications does not ease the stress, nor does looking at places you can't afford, and looking at ways to fund further education that you may not get. 

I'm making this sound reeeaalllyy great, but in the sad scheme of things its the truth. Coming out of university is bleak...as fuck. 

BUT... you know what. Everything is going to be ok. 

When I graduate I'm only going to be 20 years old. My other half will only be 24. We are so so young, right? I have my whole life to live. And as much as graduating is stressful, there are some parts of it that are extremely exciting. 

A few examples... moving somewhere you actually want to live rather than the shit hole of a city your university is in. Starting something new and narrowing your career path to a certain profession with a Masters. Meeting new people. Experiencing new things.

And yes I am still waiting on a few acceptance or rejection letters and I don't know where I'm going to find myself next year  (possibly on the steps of my chosen university for a masters begging to let me have a place. They don't even need to give me a chair in the lecture room, I'll be happy in the floor.) BUT the first thing I'm doing when I graduate is travelling. And I've never been more excited. AND I'm turning 21! Which is just fabulous. 

So if you're going through the same issues and have no idea where your heading in life, remember so many people are in your position. Plan to do something you've always wanted to do and look forward to it. You deserve it! You went and got a bloody degree now its time to celebrate. And everything else?...No one has it all figured out, just remember that. 

Pick up your overly large glasses of wine and cheers with me to not knowing, and just going along with the ride. Because...why the hell not. 

Cheers.

xxx

My bucket list :)

This has been a long long time coming. But I'm glad I waited to do this as I think I finally have a better idea of the person I really am. I like to live in the moment and be spontaneous. I like to laugh out loud realllyyyy loudly, sing every second of the day and wear really bright colours. I don't really know what the future holds for me, and that's ok, because whatever it is I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it. Let's be honest, who really knows where they will be in 5 years time? If someone asks me when I'm all old and frail to look back on my life and describe it in one word I would like to say "happy". And I'd like to look back and recall my memories of all these events...
Some of these have been/ will be ticked off, just so you know I'm serious about doing all of these.

1. Go out in a torrential rain storm just to dance, laugh and get absolutely drenched.
2. Dye my hair purple. All over. Like "boom! that girl's hair is purple" purple
3. Paraglide (TICK)
4. Own an apartment with fresh flowers on my dresser, a dressing table with an ikea draw make up collection, and a walk-in closet, over looking a busy city or the sea
5. Perform on a London stage more times than I can count on my fingers
6. Start performing randomly in big cities all over the world. Spontaneous street performing.
7. See a broadway show (TICK)
8. Own a pair of Christian louboutins
9. Bungee jump
10. Cliff dive
11. Sky dive (hopefully going indoor sky diving for my 20th and taking the big real deal leap for my 21st :))
12. See the world. (My friend Sophie gave me the idea of getting a scratch off map to keep track of my travels)
13. Go to disney land Florida and wear a princess dress and Minnie Mouse ears ALL DAY.
14. See the northern lights
15. Walk the Great Wall of China
16. Write my name on the Berlin Wall
17. Take a road trip across America
18. See the stars and I mean really see them. Star gaze in a place where there are no artificial lights
19. Write a book. Maybe several.
20. Own A LOT of pets
21. Meet a tiger. In a zoo obviously.
22. Go to the airport with a packed bag and some money. Number all the flights leaving that day and ask someone to choose a number. Get on that flight and explore wherever I end up
23. See the big Christmas tree. You know the one I'm talking about. The one in home alone two ;)
24. Host a massive gatsby style party
25. Create my own theatre company

This is not everything I want to do, but I felt like it was a good start to my list. I'll update on each one I tick off. It will take me a long time but I'll enjoy every second of it. What's on your bucket list?

Lisa-Nicole xo

Breaking the Silence

Wow it has been so long since I blogged. Insanely long. I absolutely love blogging but with the stressful year I had at university it happened to take a back seat. But now with it being summer I cannot wait to start it up again properly. You see - with my blog before I always had really random posts with quite long intervals. But this time I would like to have regular blogs. So fingers crossed I keep to it. I want this blog to be more about what makes me happy. Whether that be my achievements, what I have been up to, or knowing me - what I spend hopeless amounts of money on. Yes, my spending problem continues to strive. Yay for my bank account -.-. So for my re opening blog post of this summer I decided to make a list off the top of my head of all the things that make me happy :).

- The colour yellow
- The warm fuzzy feeling you get from cuddles with someone very special
- Fluffy, cozy slippers
- The feeling you get coming out of the cinema after watching an awesome film
- Ticking things off my bucket lists http://instagram.com/p/qT2ACmHhbq/?modal=true
- Catching up with my friends
- Singing really badly and loudly in the shower pretty much everywhere I go
- Laughing till my stomach hurts
- Spending time with my family
- The Theatre - anywhere, anytime, watching anything. The stage just makes me so happy.
- Acting <3 words just cannot express. Performing will always be my first love.
- Comfortable silences
- Going to sleep in a busy area. I like background noise.
- Doing stupid things with my sister unintentionally. This happens more than you would think http://instagram.com/p/c6XhdLHhaf/?modal=true
- Reading a book you just can't put down
- Bubble baths
- Those second day hair, no make up days
- A song with really good lyrics
- Having a productive day
- The feeling after you finish a work out
- Puppies. Husky puppies
- Reminiscing. I love talking over old memories with my nearest and dearest http://instagram.com/p/nmDKmdHhXH/?modal=true
- Walking or running in refreshing rain
- Eating what I want - I get so much joy from this. Fuck the diets.
- Little heart felt surprises  http://instagram.com/p/p67NXTnhX0/?modal=true
- Being able to waste my time with someone special. If it makes you happy it's time well spent http://instagram.com/p/qSbzkbnhUp/?modal=true
- Learning something new
- Travelling - seeing the culture and beautiful scenery of somewhere new http://instagram.com/p/qT2Ur8nhcG/?modal=true
- Doing something for a good cause. It may sound stupid but the £3 I give to tigers every month makes me feel very happy as they are my favourite animal. And the fact I will be venturing out to Morrocco to help under privileged children just.... I can't even explain how excited and grateful I am to have such an amazing opportunity. To help and to experience. I may have reached my target but I will continue to fundraise :) https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/lisanicolestevens
- Having interesting skills like stilt walking
- Acrobatics makes me so happy. It's so much fun.
- Bed. A lie in, an early night, I just love it
- A piece of work I've enjoyed doing to the best of my ability
- That just showered and moisturised feeling

- Cuddling with my teddies. Not ashamed at all

- Those days when you have nothing to do and have a duvet day 

- Sometimes I like watching "bad" TV. Made in Chelsea is a love. Must start watching gossip girl. 

- Doing my nails and make up. Sometimes getting ready is better than the night out 

- Those nights in with a bottle of wine and deep meaningful conversations 

- Getting tipsy with your course mates and talking to anyone and everyone 

- Having a girly clubbing night where dancing is the main priority

That's quite a list! Think I had better stop there but I would encourage everyone to do this! It made me feel really happy and I enjoyed writing it!

Think I might take on the 100 happy days challenge on Instagram. Hmm we'll see :). 

Lisa-Nicole xo 

Lent&AshWednesday

Hey Everyone! February ended with a bang as I went to Paris (blog to come soon) but alas March has started pretty damn sucky. I seem to have come down with a flu type thing that has made me take refuge in bed and only move to crawl to the toilet which is about five steps away. Booooo :(. Rest, fluids and paracetamol are my best friends at the moment. With being bed ridden I thought there was no better time to write a blog. Anyway with the month starting so crappy that means it can only get better right? 

So it has come to that time of year again where the Pancake Mix is a best seller and everyone decides what they will give up for lent. Lent begins tomorrow on Ash Wednesday and lasts for 40 days before Easter. However, this year I have decided rather than giving something up, I am going to take a few things up that will better me in some way or other. For some reason I just thought giving something up sounded rather negative. And nine times out of ten I never really stick to it. I usually give up chocolate, crisps, fizzy drinks and it just doesn't work, so I thought I'd change tactics. Down below are my ideas for this year's lent...

1. Take up Yoga. I have always wanted to try it and is meant to be awesome for fitness and flexibility.
2. Get more sleep. I struggle a lot with getting to bed early and getting enough sleep. To help with this i am going to set a bed alarm - like a morning alarm but rather than telling you to get up, it tells you to go to bed.
3. Eat Breakfast. This goes hand in hand with going to bed earlier. Get up so I have enough time to eat a healthy breakfast, after all breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
4. Start a savings account. To everyone who read my spending addiction blog at the end of summer, you will know how much of a challenge this will be for me. But I am determined to become better with money. So during lent I am going to put £5 every Saturday into my savings account. It doesn't sound like a lot but its a start.
5. Cook my own meals more. I have always wanted to get better at cooking, so I would like to cut down on how much I eat out. This will be healthier for me and will also help with saving money.
6. Blog more. I love blogging but I just don't do it enough. So during lent i am going to have a Wednesday and Sunday schedule, where I will blog every week. Heres hoping I stick to it!
7. Drink more water and take vitamins.With becoming so ill lately I think it's time to take a stand with my immune system. Keep hydrated and build my vitamin C back up.
8. Time for a crazy one... Pole dancing. I have always wanted to  take this up and a university near me has a society which I would like to join. Obviously this is not to become a gyrating woman on a pole, its more for the fitness benefits. Pole dancing is incredibly beneficial for flexibility and fitness and besides it looks well fun!

So there you have it :). Hope you all have had a better start to March then me and Good Luck with this years lent! <3 

"Those People"

Trusting someone is always an on going debate with me. 

The horrid truth is that no matter where you are in this world there are always going to be people who want to being you down. Make themselves feel better by making you feel inferior. These people are pathetic, but that doesn't make them have any less of an effect on you. 

Now I would love to be one of those people who can brush things off without a care in the world, but I am not. I am learning to though. I think there are two ways you get to being those kind of people - you are either born like it, or go through so much shit people's opinions completely loose value. Unfortunately I am the latter, but you know what, I like it that way. 

People can continue to talk about me behind my back, do stupid petty things to get to me and keep growing those increasingly large dicks on their foreheads because it is true what they say - "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and believe me I of all people would know this. Your bitchiness and patheticness will motivate me to do things you couldn't even dream of doing, whilst sat on your sofa at home plotting what to do to me next. 

When I get to where I'm going in life, which will be somewhere amazing, you will still be sat on that sofa wishing you spent less time caring about what I'm doing and more on what you should have been doing. 

Oh and when I give a big middle finger to the camera, just know that right there, that is especially for you. 

**I'm not even going to justify this blog with a reason, because I feel a hell lot better getting all this off my chest. In theory, yes, I should be saying this to the person or peoples faces but sometimes you have to keep the peace.. So I'll write it on here instead for you guys to read. And if you have something you need to get off your chest I cannot encourage you enough to write it down.. You'll feel worlds better. X ** 

For Those "Under The Weather" Days

Poor Patsy has been feeling poorly too...

I have had an incredibly rough couple of days, resulting in few nurse and hospital appointments . All is well, I just have a few problems that need sorting out, and right now they are making me feel really crappy.
It's gotten to that time of year that the weather is absolutely terrible (think there might be a hail storm right outside my window this very second), and for us students, we are in the middle of our longest term out of the 3. We have a month and a half to go until Easter and we are all starting to feel a bit run down... well I personally am feeling incredibly run down. I love being busy but even I know when I need to stop -  and that was a couple of days ago when I suffered with a 4 day long migraine that made me very ill *sobs*. Its never nice being ill, especially when you're away from home, so I thought I'd do a blog on what helps me get through those rough days. It is a little bit of a jumbled list with no structure... but since I've been feeling so rough lately you can forgive me :).

1. Get out of bed. Probably a little bit unexpected as my number 1, but unless I am bed ridden, I always find getting up and having a shower makes me feel slightly better. If I have lectures I will always try and make it in, they take my mind off feeling crappy... and after all I am paying for them, so no money wasted.
2. Make an effort. Now this is one that has been drummed into me since I was a little girl. When you think you look good, you feel good. When I'm ill I always get up and put my make up on, and wear something pretty. You may feel like shit, but at least you don't look it ;).
3. Have an apple. My mum always told me that if I was feeling really sick to have an apple as it will make me feel better. Never really fails to be honest. Mother knows best..
4. Still feeling crappy? Junk food time. Over the past couple of days I have gone through pizza, cream eggs and a whole packet of bourbon biscuits. Judge as much as you like, I enjoyed them and for a couple of minutes it made me feel better...I highly recommend chicken strips too. Those things are good.
5. Sleep. I pretty much stayed in bed the whole weekend... Granted I couldn't actually get out of it but that is not the point.
6. CUDDLES. This is my ultimate favourite one. I love cuddles. Whether it be with someone else or blankets and cuddly toys, they always make me feel better. Number 1 cure. Oh, and hot water bottles and tea are good additions too.
7. Lucozade. Another family remedy. Whenever my mum, sister or I were ill my Dad would never fail to buy us a bottle of lucozade. It aids recovery like a boss.
8. Pampering. Kinda goes hand in hand with making an effort however this is the relaxing fun one. Lush baths, painting your nails all pretty and face masks. "Me time" is a must when you're feeling run down.
9. Get lost in either a good book, YouTube videos, TV series or phone app. These have definitely aided me though the last couple of days, and feeling crappy is actually an excuse to not do work for once and catch up on a few things. Whether it be Zoella, Breaking Bad or Divergent, go crazy with it.
10. Take two paracetamol. Another mum quote, and I know for a fact a lot of my friend's mums say the same. If its the evening, "take two paracetamol and go to bed". This helps to bring any temperature you may have down and send you off on a pretty good nights sleep.
11. Laughter, I swear, is the best medicine ever. Put on a funny programme or spend time with friends and I assure you you will start to feel better. The new season of Top Gear is a good recommendation, laughed my head of at it the other night, not to mention Richard Hammond is just a little bit adorable.
and finally...
12. Drink a lot of fluids and rest! 

And when you're starting to feel a little better: Tidy your room and go to the gym :). Not being able to move and eating all that crap will have its disadvantages... however both of these will aid in your recovery as you will sweat the rest of it out on the treadmill and there is nothing quite like a tidy room.

Hope this helped and if you are under the weather, I wish you the speediest of recoveries. <3 

Suffering with Sleep Paralysis

Type sleep paralysis into Google and what you get is a gallery of terrifying images. I would like to say that these are an exaggeration but to be completely honest,  I think they are all on point. For years, every so often I would wake up and not be able to move. I would struggle to breath, not be able to speak (let alone scream) and be fighting against my own body for it to move. It feels like you're tied down, someone is holding you, you cannot move at all. You are completely paralysed. You can't even open your eyes. When I was younger I tried to explain it to friends and family, but no one would know what I was talking about. I slowly started to believe it was just me having a reoccurring nightmare and stopped talking about it. Feeling like you're the only one creates even more fear, however since I thought it was just a nightmare, I would ignore it. I suffered for years not knowing what it was. 

This was until about a month ago, when I had one of the worst nights of my life. I woke up about five times not being able to move, ended up being too scared to sleep and stayed up watching films. When it got to the following evening and I was worrying about having to sleep (just in case it happened again), I knew I had to do something about it. Since everything is on the internet nowadays, I typed "waking up and not being able to move" into Google, and it turns out that a lot of people experience it. It was such a relief to know I wasn't going crazy...or like some people put it online "being possessed". Sleep paralysis is a diagnosed condition that terrifies people all over the world, and there are ways that you can improve it.
For me, the best cure is that I now know what it is. Which is why I wanted to post this blogpost, to make people aware. This effects a lot of people (6% of the population) and is very rarely talked about. I don't want anyone to suffer for years like I did. Nowadays, I suffer with sleep paralysis every couple of weeks but my fear of it is much less. For me it can last anything from a few seconds to a couple of minutes. Yes, when its happening it's pretty damn scary, but as soon as you remind yourself what is happening, it's easier to get over. If this happens to you don't to be scared to message for help of just to talk. Sometimes talking about things makes you feel a whole lot better. 

If you would like to read the facts on Sleep Paralysis please go to this website: http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Sleep-paralysis/Pages/Introduction.aspx
or just look online as there is a lot of information on the condition.

I hope this helped
xxx