Saturday, 11 April 2015

Becoming A Graduate Stress

**Disclaimer. I haven't blogged in such a long time, and I really miss it. So I ended up just going blahhhhh on to the page. Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. I'm sorry if it bores you, but sometimes you just need to write. Right? I couldn't work out if this was a blog to me, or to other undergraduates but either way I feel so much better now. I had no plan for my blog, this is literally just how my thought process went.**

University is an incredibly stressful and time consuming commitment. Pretty much for the three years you attend university, your brain will barely flicker on to something else before it returns with a crash to deadlines, the amount of work you have to do or should be doing, and your heavy social calender. You become an A* procrastinator, who by their dissertation realises "oh fuck, this is why you start in advance rather than the night before, I don't have enough time. Fuck, fuck, fuck. " You pull out some hair, eat lots of junk food, drink bottles of wine - because lets be honest none of your glasses are clean, and cry until grades are up and you breathe a sigh of relief. And for a split second you think you can relax.
Oh no my friend.
On a theatre course or any other art based course you will then have to stress about your final major project. Which will probably and hopefully have the same outcome as my dissertation. I'll stress ridiculous amounts, cry into some Ben and Jerry's and be thankful when it's all over...THEN be hit with major after show blues and wish I could do it all over again. Unless I fail... then I'd think fuck that. BUT that shouldn't happen. *cue nervous laughter and a quick move on*
Those previously mentioned after show blues made worse by the fact that in just under 2 months I am no longer going to be an undergraduate. As well as rewarding, that previous statement is completely terrifying. And any other postgraduates reading this will know how it feels. 
Being at university, you get a big dose of independence. Meaning that you want to move out and get on with your life as an adult with your freshly rewarded degree. Your planning may go something like this... Ok I'm going to move to London, get an amazing job, earn money and live a fantastic life.... with no money and a bundle of equally qualified unemployed competition. Yay. 
I'm making this sound really great aren't I?
God. It's scary.
AND, can I just ask, where the hell did these three years go?! It feels like a week ago I was gripping on to my banister at home begging not to go to university and now I'm here, about to graduate.... Sorry. What? 
Sending out applications does not ease the stress, nor does looking at places you can't afford, and looking at ways to fund further education that you may not get. 
I'm making this sound reeeaalllyy great, but in the sad scheme of things its the truth. Coming out of university is fuck. 
BUT... you know what. Everything is going to be ok. 
When I graduate I'm only going to be 20 years old. My other half will only be 24. We are so so young, right? I have my whole life to live. And as much as graduating is stressful, there are some parts of it that are extremely exciting. 
A few examples... moving somewhere you actually want to live rather than the shit hole of a city your university is in. Starting something new and narrowing your career path to a certain profession with a Masters. Meeting new people. Experiencing new things.
And yes I am still waiting on a few acceptance or rejection letters and I don't know where I'm going to find myself next year  (possibly on the steps of my chosen university for a masters begging to let me have a place. They don't even need to give me a chair in the lecture room, I'll be happy in the floor.) BUT the first thing I'm doing when I graduate is travelling. And I've never been more excited. AND I'm turning 21! Which is just fabulous. 
So if you're going through the same issues and have no idea where your heading in life, remember so many people are in your position. Plan to do something you've always wanted to do and look forward to it. You deserve it! You went and got a bloody degree now its time to celebrate. And everything else?...No one has it all figured out, just remember that. 
Pick up your overly large glasses of wine and cheers with me to not knowing, and just going along with the ride. Because...why the hell not. 


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