I hate the gym.

Its a place solely for people to better themselves and become fitter and possibly even happier in the way they feel, the way they look. However there's seems to be a complete divide of species in the gym. The people that are there because they want to work hard through blood sweat and tears. And the people that have a membership so their social media page can scream I'm fit and healthy and they can buy overly prices bold coloured leggings that do nothing for the workout whatsoever but draw attention - one thing a lot of people in the gym do not want to do. I mean yeah they're pretty, but I do not have £30 of money to spare for something to be drenched in sweat. If you wanna shift that weight you better get your sweat on. 

I get so annoyed at the gym. Its like being in one of those high school america films. *Would you look at Karen Smith's gym clothes*. While I was at the gym one girl physically stripped down in front of everyone. Now I am torn between the feminist in me which believes power to women and wear what you want and the part of me that thinks its completely unnecessary in an air conditioned gym.  Like, come on. And whilst working out you're meant to keep your muscles warm so there really was no logic involved.

There's also the people that believe it necessary to stare at you. I'm on the treadmill looking like a fricking tomato and sweating like a pig... I do not want your face in my face, BITCH. (I am quoting a lot here).

And the girls who turn up with their hair and make up perfect... ITS THE GYM. Stop making the rest of us who care about make up seeping into our pores and don't give a crap about gym hair feel bad. 

UGH.

Yes, I wrote this after a work out. And no I will not apologise for this rant. 

So. Done.

I just want to take my water bottle and bop people right between their eyebrows with it. 

Fitness Diary: Getting Back into "It".

I, for the most part, have always had a very active lifestyle. When I was younger I was a cross-country runner, and in my teen years I was an Olympic and National Champion Cheerleader. However, now I am a graduate, and while this is one of my greatest achievements to date, I can see the many assignment deadlines and show weeks taking up lodgings on my stomach and thighs. 

This is a blog I have to approach with caution and maybe even some disclaimers. I in no way shape or form believe I am fat, or that I need to loose weight. I'm a size 8/10 on top and a 12 on the bottom, sizes I believe to be very healthy. I just simply want to be a bit less wobbly (ha.) and fitter. I think one thing I always forget about exercise is that actually - after the dread and actual struggle to get myself up off of my butt - I actually really enjoy it and love that "after exercise feeling". Its the initial getting motivated that I hate.Cause lets be honest - I'd rather be sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine, some hazelnut chocolate, a tub of Ben and Jerry's watching PPL on netflix. The kind of behavior that got me to this "i'm not as confident as I once was" state in the first place. I fricking love food. My god the amount I could eat at a  what ever you want all day buffet could put a body builder to shame. I pretty much eat what I want, when I want. 

I personally cannot diet. By this I mean cut out whole food groups or make myself eat less. Diets may work for some people amazing, but for me I just don't have that kind of willpower. and if I am entirely honest I don't believe they work long term. If you cut out a food group to loose weight, get to your goal weight and start eating normally again - you will put weight back on. It's inevitable. You're body also won't be used to breaking that food group down so you're likely to put on more weight quicker than you were before. Unless you make a life long commitment to a diet - I commend you if you have - the most effective way to loose weight will be to eat balanced and exercise regularly. 

SO, This blog isn't really coming to you at the start of my journey.. more 5% through. I think before you initially take that first step back into exercise, there are a few steps you have to tackle first. This may help anyone who is thinking of joining a gym, starting a few home workouts, or anything exercise related. 

1. Become comfortable with how your body is now. Know what you love and hate. That way you have a goal. 

2. Understand nothing will happen over night. You won't have the perfect workout or technique straight away.

4. Can you make the commitment? Don't waste money on a gym membership you do not intend to use.

5. Allow yourself to learn and discover. Everyone is different, what works for one person may not work for you. 

6. Remember - girls can lift and no you won't become like a man. The BIGGEST myth in gym history...do you know how long it takes for a man to look like "a man" by societies standards (far from my own may I just point out)... Years. If it happened over night for girls, men would be so pissed. 

7. EAT. Your body needs to repair itself. I'm talking carbs and protein being your best friend. 

8. Do not under any circumstances compare yourself. Everyone is at different parts in their journey. 

This blog, or new blog series, is for me. To keep track and motivate myself. I feel as if it's out here on the internet for people to read, I'll have something to work towards writing at the end of my day. I like that thought. This is not out there to educate people, as I am by no means an expert, I just want to blog about my experiences. I enjoy blogging, I enjoy exercising...so why not combine the two. And maybe my research will expand and soon I may be able to share my knowledge. 

I guess we'll see what happens. 

Becoming A Graduate Stress

**Disclaimer. I haven't blogged in such a long time, and I really miss it. So I ended up just going blahhhhh on to the page. Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. I'm sorry if it bores you, but sometimes you just need to write. Right? I couldn't work out if this was a blog to me, or to other undergraduates but either way I feel so much better now. I had no plan for my blog, this is literally just how my thought process went.**

University is an incredibly stressful and time consuming commitment. Pretty much for the three years you attend university, your brain will barely flicker on to something else before it returns with a crash to deadlines, the amount of work you have to do or should be doing, and your heavy social calender. You become an A* procrastinator, who by their dissertation realises "oh fuck, this is why you start in advance rather than the night before, I don't have enough time. Fuck, fuck, fuck. " You pull out some hair, eat lots of junk food, drink bottles of wine - because lets be honest none of your glasses are clean, and cry until grades are up and you breathe a sigh of relief. And for a split second you think you can relax.

Oh no my friend.

On a theatre course or any other art based course you will then have to stress about your final major project. Which will probably and hopefully have the same outcome as my dissertation. I'll stress ridiculous amounts, cry into some Ben and Jerry's and be thankful when it's all over...THEN be hit with major after show blues and wish I could do it all over again. Unless I fail... then I'd think fuck that. BUT that shouldn't happen. *cue nervous laughter and a quick move on*

Those previously mentioned after show blues made worse by the fact that in just under 2 months I am no longer going to be an undergraduate. As well as rewarding, that previous statement is completely terrifying. And any other postgraduates reading this will know how it feels. 

Being at university, you get a big dose of independence. Meaning that you want to move out and get on with your life as an adult with your freshly rewarded degree. Your planning may go something like this... Ok I'm going to move to London, get an amazing job, earn money and live a fantastic life.... with no money and a bundle of equally qualified unemployed competition. Yay. 

I'm making this sound really great aren't I?

God. It's scary.

AND, can I just ask, where the hell did these three years go?! It feels like a week ago I was gripping on to my banister at home begging not to go to university and now I'm here, about to graduate.... Sorry. What? 

Sending out applications does not ease the stress, nor does looking at places you can't afford, and looking at ways to fund further education that you may not get. 

I'm making this sound reeeaalllyy great, but in the sad scheme of things its the truth. Coming out of university is bleak...as fuck. 

BUT... you know what. Everything is going to be ok. 

When I graduate I'm only going to be 20 years old. My other half will only be 24. We are so so young, right? I have my whole life to live. And as much as graduating is stressful, there are some parts of it that are extremely exciting. 

A few examples... moving somewhere you actually want to live rather than the shit hole of a city your university is in. Starting something new and narrowing your career path to a certain profession with a Masters. Meeting new people. Experiencing new things.

And yes I am still waiting on a few acceptance or rejection letters and I don't know where I'm going to find myself next year  (possibly on the steps of my chosen university for a masters begging to let me have a place. They don't even need to give me a chair in the lecture room, I'll be happy in the floor.) BUT the first thing I'm doing when I graduate is travelling. And I've never been more excited. AND I'm turning 21! Which is just fabulous. 

So if you're going through the same issues and have no idea where your heading in life, remember so many people are in your position. Plan to do something you've always wanted to do and look forward to it. You deserve it! You went and got a bloody degree now its time to celebrate. And everything else?...No one has it all figured out, just remember that. 

Pick up your overly large glasses of wine and cheers with me to not knowing, and just going along with the ride. Because...why the hell not. 

Cheers.

xxx